Domination and submission don’t work as a one-man act. If you watch from the outside, you might think that one person will boss around, while the other will just do chores, or buy stuff. That is quite far from the actual state of things. Both the sub and the dom have their roles to play, and it should all be safe, sane, and consensual.
Many believe that this kink works like submitting without limitations or boundaries, which is not true. BDSM subs always have a safe word, a list of things they are willing to try, of that they might sometimes try, and finally, of things they aren’t ready for.
Your dom needs to know about these if you want to have a pleasurable relationship.
What Is a Submissive?
In a BDSM relationship, one person will take a submissive role. That means that they will fulfill their master’s wishes. An essential part for people who practice this is a power play. Of course, not every member of the BDSM community has the same sexual fantasies. Dom/Sub role play is just one of the aspects of it.
In general, the submissive partner will take the role of a slave or the bottom. Their goal is to submit to their dominant master completely. Furthermore, there are no preferences in gender, and anyone can be a sub.
Whether it is a submissive male or a woman, they will have to obey any wish their dominant partner has. Moreover, they will completely relinquish control of the relationship. Depending on their master (or mistress), they will need to perform specific tasks, purchase things for their dominant like accessories, clothes, jewelry, and others. A dominant will use their resources, body, or anything else they imagine. If a sub fails to perform a task or obey, they will receive punishment. That can involve whips, chains, forced immobility, chastity belts, and such.
So, if you are looking to be a perfect submissive for your dominant, there are several things that you should know and start practicing. There are so many roles and different types of submission. Some will enjoy being humiliated, acting as a pet, property, slave, and so on.
Listen, Don’t Speak
One of the first rules of being a good sub is silence. Your master doesn’t want to hear your opinion. You need to start practicing speaking less. If you never had experience with dom/sub relationships, you might want to start slow.
Naturally, you shouldn’t do anything that you don’t want to do. Subs are not doormats, and not a single dominant would desire that. Dominants wish for someone who truly wants to be owned. Some people enjoy the feeling of helplessness and lack of control. They love passing the baton and letting someone else do all the work while they just serve. But you should know that doms have a huge responsibility on their own. It is not easy to be a dom, and your job is to make it possible and enjoyable for both.
More importantly, when we say listen, we mean everything and not just what the dom says. You should also observe the body language and everything your dom does. Everyone loves different things, and everyone is unique. Some doms enjoy bratty subs that just beg for punishment, while others require unquestioned worship. You will need to listen to your partner so both of you can enjoy the relationship.
Furthermore, you must retain from asking questions while in the role. You are not the one that should talk about what they think or what they should do. There is a person in charge, and yours is to obey.
In the bedroom, you can use mouth gags to restrict your speech and look subservient while your Master or Mistress dominates you. Bite gags are often good enough, but there are multiple types of gag that go beyond than just shutting your traps—the fleshlight mouth gag, for instance, allows your Dom to fill your mouth with other bondage sex toys against your wishes. An inflatable butterfly gag is also great in the bedroom as they give the Master or Mistress more control over your mouth and body.
Decisions Aren’t Yours to Make
By taking the role of a true submissive, bottom male, you decide to allow your dom to make all the decisions. So, no — you shouldn’t have an opinion, suggestion, idea, or anything. The whole point of power dynamics in a dominant/submissive relationship is that one person will have all the control and power, while others will have none. One great example is when a submissive male is demanded to wear a cock cage. The decision of whether he can ejaculate or not entirely relies on the hands of the dominatrix.
You should remember that your job isn’t to make your dom’s life harder, but easier. You need to subdue the urge to rebel or object to something if you truly aim to be a good sub. That applies to both private and public life, in and out of the bedroom. You are obligated to do anything your dom desires. Naturally, subs are not perfect, and they will make a mistake from time to time, which might lead to punishment. If this happens, you should accept your disciplinary action willingly.
Being a sub is a lifestyle. Sometimes, relationships require 24/7 dedication, and your job is to do your part for everything to run smoothly. Remember that you are someone else’s property and that you should take care of yourself. Just because you are submissive, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t live healthy, get enough sleep, or take care of your body. In the end, you want what’s best for your dom.
Embracing the role of a submissive requires more than just bending to the whims and commands of your dominant. Solidify your commitment to the role by also wearing subtle yet articulate symbols of submission. You may wear a bondage collar and a captive collar as your pledge of loyalty—fashioning a leather choker or any day collar for subs, for instance, will earn you good sub points and a potential reward in bed. Charm your Master or Mistress with your best submissive necklace.
When it comes to sex life, you can prepare the toys that you want your dom to use on you. That can involve collars, BDSM rope and shibari ropes, blindfolds, wax, or anything else you’re comfortable with. Then, your dom will decide what they want to do with it and which ones they want to use. Bondage gear and BDSM gear isn't limited to ropes—try bedroom handcuffs and restrain your movements and control during sex.
Practice Submissive Body Language
As dominants have a specific body language, so do subs. A good sub will know their place, and they will show it in every possible way. To achieve this, you can stand in the way that will make you appear smaller. For example, lowering your shoulders and keeping your head down. Furthermore, you should make eye contact only if you are allowed to do so. Looking at your dom directly in the eyes might look rude and arrogant, which is not a good sub trait. So, keep your eyes on the ground.
As doms sound confident and speak loudly, subs should do the opposite. Stay quiet, talk softly, and only speak when your dom asks you a question. Another important aspect is to know where your place is and to do things without your master’s orders. That means things like knowing when to kneel or where to sit, and how to behave.
Sometimes, doms will order their subs to wear collars even in public. That is a great way to remind yourself that you belong to someone and to keep the slave mentality even outside of the bedroom.
The best thing to do is to have training sessions and practice how to be a proper sub and learn a specific skill. Even if you lack some expertise, you can quickly get better to satisfy your master. Maybe your dom wants you to cook for them, and you never managed to do anything but set the kitchen on fire. The answer is simple — find someone to train you on how to do this properly to fulfill your master’s desire.
Become Less Assertive
Your goal is to be the exact opposite of your dom. Forget all the sass and wise comments. Your dom will not enjoy that. Unless your master asks you for your opinion, you should keep it to yourself. Furthermore, you don’t need to make rules; there is someone who will do that for you. Your master creates all the rules, decisions, and opinions, and you should accept them without arguing.
Moreover, a good sub is polite not only to the dom but to everyone. As we mentioned, this kind of relationship is a lifestyle, and it can transfer well beyond private sessions. Some people enjoy switching between the roles, and these couples will agree on which position and the part they will take at a specific moment. For everyone else, it is a full-time position.
Masters and mistresses love control, and if you give them that, and devote yourself, everyone will enjoy it. You will receive special treatment for being a good slave, and they will take care of you. It is a win-win situation, and the only thing you need to do is obey. Follow orders, and if you mess up, take your punishment. And most importantly, remember that your feelings about certain things mean nothing. To avoid pointless arguments that won’t lead you anywhere, it might be the best idea to stay in your subspace and say: “yes, master” or “yes, mistress,” and obey the command.
Being a Perfect Sub
For everyone wondering if they are good enough, you should know that being perfect is never easy. Beginner subs are often lost and have no idea how they could improve and become better in this area. Furthermore, they often look for a dominant to make them better and somehow fix them. In all truth, being submissive is not easy, and it requires a lot of work.
It’s normal that you don’t want to do something, or that you find it too extreme. And the reality is that you don’t have to. Real dominants know that subs have feelings and wishes as everyone else, and surrendering your control to such a person will be beneficial for both of you.
Finding a dominant can be another challenge among subs. There are various places where one can find a matching dom, and attending bdsm events is one. In fact, there is a cool way to identify what other people in the party is into. Learn more about Flagging: The Colors of BDSM here.
Finally, you will need to work, both mentally and physically, until it becomes your lifestyle. But if you find submission fulfilling, you will never regret surrendering full control to that special someone. They will know how to both reward and punish everything that you do for them, and it will be an incredible adventure for both of you.
